“Never admire quietly. If I admire something about someone, I tell them. We humans are so fragile. It’s important we give people their flowers while they are still here.” - Chimamanda Adichie
In a world that moves quickly, where life’s daily pressures can sometimes overshadow the moments of connection, Chimamanda Adichie’s advice is a gentle reminder of something vital: don’t wait to express admiration. We often think kind thoughts about others, but for whatever reason, we keep them to ourselves. We admire someone’s talents, their kindness, their resilience—but the moment passes, and we move on without ever sharing that admiration with them.
Adichie’s words encourage us to break that habit. She reminds us that life is fragile, and none of us knows how long we have to appreciate the people we love, the people who inspire us, or the people who make a difference in our lives. When you admire someone, say it. Let them know. Because giving people their flowers while they’re still here is one of the simplest, yet most impactful, acts of kindness.
Why We Often Admire Quietly
Despite the fact that admiration feels good to both give and receive, many of us hesitate to express it. But why? Here are a few reasons we might hold back:
1. Fear of Vulnerability: Expressing admiration can make us feel vulnerable. It’s an open-hearted gesture that exposes our feelings. For some, this can feel risky, especially if they’re not used to expressing emotions. We might wonder how the other person will react or worry that our compliment will be misunderstood.
2. Taking People for Granted: We often assume that people know how much they mean to us or how much we admire them. We think, “They must already know that I appreciate them,” or, “I’ll tell them another time.” But the truth is, no one knows what we don’t say. We can’t assume people know how much we value them unless we take the time to tell them.
3. Busy Lives: In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to get caught up in our own day-to-day lives. We think about complimenting someone or sharing a kind word, but we get distracted by other things, and the moment slips away. Expressing admiration gets pushed to the back burner, even though it takes just a few seconds to say something meaningful.
4. Cultural Norms: In some cultures, expressing personal admiration or emotions openly might not be encouraged. People might be taught to stay humble, avoid making others feel uncomfortable, or keep emotions more private. But even in these cases, breaking that norm for the sake of human connection can be incredibly powerful.
Why It’s Important to Admire Out Loud
The impact of expressing admiration goes far beyond the simple act of giving a compliment. It creates moments of connection, boosts self-esteem, and can even change someone’s day—or life. Here’s why giving people their flowers while they’re still here is so important:
1. People Need to Hear It: We live in a world where criticism often speaks louder than praise. It’s easy to feel unnoticed or undervalued, even if we’re doing our best. Telling someone you admire something about them—whether it’s their talent, their kindness, their resilience, or just the way they carry themselves—can be a much-needed reminder that they’re seen and appreciated. For someone who’s struggling, that small act of recognition can be a lifeline.
2. The Power of Affirmation: Words of admiration are affirmations. When we admire someone and tell them, we’re reinforcing the positive qualities we see in them. It’s a way of affirming their strengths, their value, and their worth. Affirmation can give someone the encouragement they need to keep going, to believe in themselves, and to see the good that others see in them.
3. Human Connection: Expressing admiration fosters connection. When you take the time to tell someone you appreciate them, you’re creating a moment of shared humanity. It’s a reminder that we’re all in this together and that we have the power to lift each other up. These moments of connection build stronger relationships and create a sense of community.
4. Regret is Avoidable: One of the most heartbreaking forms of regret is wishing you had said something to someone after they’re no longer around to hear it. We often don’t realize how much someone means to us until it’s too late. By expressing our admiration now, we avoid that regret. We ensure that people know how much they’re valued while they’re still here to appreciate it.
How to Give People Their Flowers
If you’re someone who finds it difficult to express admiration, you’re not alone. But like anything else, it’s a habit you can cultivate. Here are a few ways to start:
1. Don’t Overthink It: Compliments don’t have to be grand gestures. If you admire something about someone, just say it. A simple, “I really admire the way you handled that situation,” or, “I love how creative you are,” can go a long way. The point is to be sincere and specific.
2. Take the Opportunity in the Moment: When you think something kind about someone, don’t wait. Say it in the moment, before you forget or talk yourself out of it. Whether it’s during a conversation, after a performance, or even in a passing comment, seize the opportunity to express your admiration when it strikes you.
3. Write It Down: If you find it hard to express your admiration face-to-face, writing a letter or a message can be just as powerful. A thoughtful note that expresses what you admire about someone can have a lasting impact, and they’ll be able to revisit your words whenever they need a reminder.
4. Celebrate Achievements: Another way to give people their flowers is to celebrate their achievements. Whether it’s a birthday, an anniversary, a promotion, or even a personal victory, take the time to let them know how proud you are of what they’ve accomplished. Publicly or privately, these moments are perfect opportunities to express admiration.
5. Be Specific: When you admire someone, be specific about what you admire. Instead of saying, “You’re great,” say something like, “I admire the way you always bring a positive attitude to the team,” or, “I really respect how you stay calm under pressure.” Specificity makes your admiration feel more personal and meaningful.
The Ripple Effect of Admiration
When you express admiration, you’re not just affecting one person—you’re creating a ripple effect. That person, feeling seen and appreciated, is more likely to pass on that positive energy to others. When people feel valued, they show up differently. They become more confident, more willing to help others, and more open to sharing kindness themselves.
It’s a cycle of positivity that starts with one small act—telling someone, “I admire you.”
Final Thoughts
Chimamanda Adichie’s words remind us that admiration should never be kept quiet. Life is fragile, and we never know how much time we have with the people we care about. Telling someone you admire them can change their day, their week, or even their life. It can give them the boost they need to keep going or the reassurance that they’re making a difference.
Never wait to give someone their flowers. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, a colleague, or even a stranger who inspires you—let them know. It’s a simple, powerful way to spread love, to strengthen connections, and to make the world a little brighter.
In a world that can sometimes feel isolating, your words of admiration might be exactly what someone needs to hear. So, the next time you find yourself thinking something kind about someone, don’t hold back. Say it out loud. Never admire quietly.
Admiration is a gift, and it’s meant to be shared. Don’t wait for the “right moment”—make every moment an opportunity to lift someone up, give them their flowers, and let them know that they matter.
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