Seeking Approval vs. Living with Integrity: Wisdom from Epictetus

Epictetus, the ancient Stoic philosopher, had a knack for cutting to the heart of human struggles. His quote, “If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realize that you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own,” is as relevant today as it was centuries ago.

In a world obsessed with likes, shares, and external validation, this insight feels almost revolutionary. It challenges us to rethink how we define success, self-worth, and integrity. Let’s explore what Epictetus meant and how his wisdom can guide us in our modern lives.

The Trap of Outside Approval

Seeking approval from others feels natural. After all, humans are social creatures, wired to connect and find acceptance in groups. But when that need for connection turns into dependency, it becomes a trap.

Here’s why:

• Approval is fleeting. The same people who applaud you today might criticize you tomorrow.

• It gives away your power. When your happiness depends on others’ opinions, you lose control over your own sense of self-worth.

• It compromises your values. The desire to please can push you to act against your own beliefs and integrity.

Epictetus reminds us that chasing external validation means putting others’ opinions above our own principles. And when we do that, we lose a part of ourselves.

Becoming Your Own Witness

The Stoics believed in self-mastery, and this quote is a call to take responsibility for your own sense of worth. Epictetus invites us to become our own witness—to judge ourselves by our own standards rather than seeking approval from the crowd.

What does this look like in practice?

1. Define Your Values: Know what you stand for. If you don’t have a clear sense of your principles, you’ll always be swayed by others’ opinions.

2. Act with Integrity: Make decisions that align with your values, even when they’re unpopular or unappreciated.

3. Self-Reflect: Regularly ask yourself, “Am I proud of how I handled this? Did I stay true to myself?”

When you live this way, you don’t need anyone else’s applause because you know, deep down, that you’re doing what’s right.

The Price of Integrity

Living with integrity isn’t always easy. It might mean:

• Saying no to opportunities that compromise your values.

• Standing alone when others disagree.

• Letting go of relationships or situations that demand you betray yourself.

But the reward is worth it. When you’re your own witness, you gain a deep sense of peace and confidence that no amount of external approval can provide.

Navigating Modern Challenges

In today’s hyper-connected world, the temptation to seek external validation is stronger than ever. Social media thrives on likes, comments, and shares—metrics that can feel like a measure of worth. But Epictetus reminds us that true self-worth isn’t quantifiable.

Here are some ways to stay grounded:

• Limit Comparison: Remember that what people share online is a highlight reel, not their whole truth.

• Celebrate Private Wins: You don’t need an audience for every achievement. Let your own pride in your work be enough.

• Disconnect to Reconnect: Spend time away from screens to reflect on what truly matters to you.

If You Need a Witness, Be Your Own

Epictetus’s wisdom is simple but profound: Live for yourself, not for the approval of others. When you stop looking outward and start looking inward, you free yourself to live authentically and with integrity.

Ask yourself: What do I stand for? Am I living in alignment with those values? If the answer is yes, then congratulations—you’ve already found the only approval you’ll ever need.

Remember, the applause of the crowd may feel good in the moment, but the quiet confidence of living with integrity lasts a lifetime. So, be your own witness. Trust yourself. That’s where true freedom lies.