“If your phone doesn’t ring while you are struggling, don’t pick up when you are winning.” - Warren Buffett
Warren Buffett, one of the most successful investors of all time, is known for his financial wisdom, but his advice often extends far beyond business and money. In this quote, Buffett reminds us of a critical lesson about relationships, loyalty, and the people we surround ourselves with during both the good and the bad times.
The people who stand by us when we’re struggling are the ones who truly care. When things are going well, it’s easy to attract attention, friends, and acquaintances who want to bask in your success. But it’s during those tough, lonely times—when you’re struggling, doubting yourself, or facing challenges—that you find out who your real supporters are. Buffett’s advice is simple: if someone can’t be bothered to check in when you’re down, they don’t deserve your time or attention when you’re on top.
The Importance of Support in Hard Times
When we’re going through a rough patch—whether it’s financial struggles, career setbacks, personal loss, or any other challenge—genuine support becomes invaluable. The people who reach out during these times don’t do it for recognition, validation, or because they expect something in return. They’re there because they care. They check in to see how you’re doing, offer a listening ear, or lend a hand without expecting anything in return.
But what happens when the people you expect to be there for you are silent? It can be a harsh realization when the friends you’ve supported in the past don’t show up when you need them. Buffett’s message is a reminder to take note of these moments. The people who disappear when you’re down shouldn’t be the ones you entertain when you’re back on top.
Why Some People Disappear in Tough Times
It can be painful to realize that not everyone in your life is as supportive as you thought, but it’s important to understand why some people might pull away during your struggles.
1. Inability to Handle Your Pain: Some people struggle with emotional situations, and when they see someone they care about going through a hard time, they don’t know how to respond. Instead of reaching out, they avoid the situation altogether, not out of malice, but because they feel uncomfortable or don’t know what to say.
2. Self-Centered Relationships: Other people are more self-centered. They’re interested in relationships only when they have something to gain from them. These individuals are often drawn to your success but find your struggles inconvenient. Their silence during your difficult times is a reflection of their transactional approach to relationships.
3. Fear of Being Pulled Down: Some people worry that by being too close to your struggles, they’ll be pulled down too. They don’t want to deal with the emotional weight of supporting you or fear that associating with someone who’s going through a rough patch might negatively impact their own social standing.
The Value of True Friends
On the flip side, the people who are there for you in the tough times are priceless. These are the friends and loved ones who genuinely care about your well-being, not just your success. They’ll be the ones who reach out with a text, call, or visit, even when you have nothing to offer them in return. These people are your true supporters, and they’re the ones who deserve to be in your life when you’re winning.
True friendship and loyalty aren’t measured by how often someone shows up for your victories but by how they show up when you need help the most. Buffett’s advice is about recognizing who’s truly in your corner and not wasting time on people who are only interested in being there when it’s convenient for them.
Boundaries After Success
When you finally achieve success—whether it’s after a long period of struggle or after overcoming significant challenges—you may notice some people suddenly reappear in your life. They want to celebrate your wins with you, but where were they when you needed them the most? Buffett’s quote encourages you to set boundaries in these situations.
Success has a way of attracting attention. When you start winning, people may reach out to congratulate you, offer their support, or even try to reconnect after long periods of silence. But the key is to remember who was there when things weren’t going well.
Establishing boundaries doesn’t mean you have to hold grudges or cut people out of your life entirely, but it does mean being mindful of who you allow into your inner circle. People who didn’t check in or show support when you were struggling might not deserve access to your success. After all, if they couldn’t be there for you at your lowest, why should they benefit from your achievements?
How to Identify True Supporters
In the hustle and flow of life, it’s easy to overlook who your real supporters are, especially when things are going well. But knowing how to recognize true friends and loyal people is crucial to building lasting relationships. Here are a few ways to identify your real supporters:
1. They’re Consistent: True friends don’t just show up when things are good; they’re there for the ups and downs. They offer consistent support, no matter the situation.
2. They Reach Out First: The people who check in on you—without needing a reason—are often the ones who genuinely care. They don’t wait for you to call or text first; they actively maintain the relationship, especially when they know you’re going through something tough.
3. They Offer Support Without Conditions: The people who offer to help without expecting anything in return are invaluable. Whether it’s lending an ear, giving advice, or just being there, they show up because they care about you, not because they’re hoping for something in return.
4. They Stick Around in the Hard Times: Pay attention to who’s there when things get difficult. The ones who stand by your side during challenges, rather than backing away, are your real supporters.
Letting Go of Fairweather Friends
Fairweather friends—the ones who only show up when things are going well—aren’t necessarily bad people, but they’re not the ones who will have your back when life gets hard. These are the friends who disappear when you’re struggling, only to return when the sun is shining again. While it’s tempting to let them back into your life when you’re on top, Buffett’s advice is to be cautious. They weren’t there for your struggles, so why should they be part of your success?
Letting go of fairweather friends doesn’t mean you have to be rude or confrontational. It simply means recognizing their role in your life and understanding that they’re not your core support system. It’s about protecting your energy and surrounding yourself with people who truly care.
Final Thoughts
Warren Buffett’s advice is a powerful reminder to evaluate the relationships in our lives based on loyalty, consistency, and genuine care. The people who don’t pick up the phone when you’re struggling don’t deserve your attention when you’re thriving. Life is full of ups and downs, and true supporters are the ones who stick around through both.
Success will always attract attention, but it’s the people who were with you when things weren’t so glamorous who deserve to celebrate with you when you win. So, remember to keep your circle full of those who love you for who you are, not just what you achieve. When your phone rings during tough times, those are the people who deserve to be there when you’re standing on top.
Success is sweeter when shared with those who stood by you during the hard times. When you win, remember who was there when you struggled—those are the people who deserve to celebrate your success with you.
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